I can't sleep.
If there is a bed and dim lighting, I am out within minutes. Sometimes I don't even need a bed, just a pillow and carpet. (I've fallen asleep a few times at my friend's house with just that.) But I am lying in that bed over there and I am trying, but I'm getting nothing. My mind is just racing. I've just been thinking about this past month, and how it was turned upside down, and that hopefully tomorrow I will turn right again. . .
The 30th of June was the very last day I would work at the coffee shop where I had been for quite some time. But all the sudden on that day, POOF! the store closed, and I was jobless. When you literally live paycheck to paycheck, which is what I was doing, it is scary to lose your job. There are scarier situations, of course. You could lose your job and have kids. Luckily I only fend for myself, and don't want kids to fend for anyway. And lucky for me, I got a job a week later. But still an unplanned week without a job, without a paycheck, man, yikes. And now I'm at a new job with half the hours, and no tips. My rent isn't even covered by my new paychecks.
My previous job at the coffee shop, was good and bad. The hours were perfect. I went to work at 7 o'clock, earned my keep until I got off at 2 o'clock, and still had the whole day ahead of me. The work was easy and mostly enjoyable. I worked with my friends, I got to bring my food to work. I would usually eat cereal, or make my own fruit smoothies. It is nice working at a place with freezers, refrigerators, microwaves, toasters, blenders, coffee, and pastries, with a newspaper to read, or a crossword to do. I did have to put up with some annoying customers. Like the bitch that would say "I'm in a hurry, could you make my drink fast." Lady, we make everyone's drink as fast as we possibly can. The guy before you, his drink was made as fast as possible, and same with the guy's behind you. We aren't going to bump you up in line. In fact, because you asked, I'm gonna take a little extra time on your drink to make sure I get it just right. If you have ever asked for this rushed special treatment, trust me, it will come out slower.
That was the worst part of my job. Some days it would be only one or two of those types, and that is nothing, but other days I would also have to tell the homeless man outside to leave because he was honking a blow horn at the customers leaving the store. He left willingly, but he also left his satchel of bagels and pastries, his blow horn, huge pastry crumbs all of the patio, his other bag full of shit. . . And I had to clean it up.
But those were the good ol' days, because my new job is worse. Retail sales. I am a salesman. I work at a boutique that sells trendy clothes. That isn't necessarily a criticism, that's just what it is, and that is exactly what I am not. There is not one item in the store that I would purchase and wear. And I have to sell this shit. It is hard. I do it, because it is my job, it is what my boss asks me to do, so I do it. But I am lying through my teeth and hating every minute of it. And my shifts normally start at 3 o'clock and end at 9 o'clock. My day is gone; It didn't even start. I don't have any time anymore, even though I am working less than I used to. However, I am glad I took the job, or I would not be able to pay rent this month. Well, I am still a few dollars shy, but tomorrow I'm gonna try to sell my serger back to the place I bought it from (I hope they'll take it because its broken). So I took this job out of desperation, and now I have to get a second job, so I can eat and stuff.
I just secured that second job today. It's a coffee shop. Oh my god, yes! I didn't think I would ever be so happy to work at another coffee shop again. Man, if I can just get enough hours there, then so long retail sales, so long flowey shirts, flip flops, maxi dresses, and drawstring cropped pants. I can get back to normal life. Serving coffee and making dresses. And figuring out how to make a living just making dresses.
Because of that news, today was the first day I have felt stress-free in a month. I needed a fresh start, so I decided to clean my studio, and I mean really clean. I got as far as wiping off all the dust off of everything. It is so dusty in there! And I started to get rid of shit like rolled up paper patterns that I know I am never going to unroll again, tiny bits of fabric that I saved for who knows why, empty spools of thread lost in the corners of boxes, and all of my vintage patterns. Yep, that's right.
These patterns are just sitting in a bin, and I know I'll never use them. I have looked at them from time to time, but nothing more than that. For a while I fancied myself a collector, but that's not me, I don't collect, I am not a pack rat. If something is not directly useful then I have no need for it, and I have no remorse in parting with it. And I know that people would actually use these patterns, whereas I don't. So starting tomorrow (hopefully if I get around to them all) they will be for sale in my Etsy shop. I think I'll sell the factory folded ones for about $3 or $4, and all others for $1. So get them while they're hot ladies! And if they're not hot by tomorrow, then check back, and I should have them up by the end of the week.
Oh, and P.S.
I want to thank my Mom for giving me some money this month, without which I could not have eaten the foodlings that I did.